Friday, May 22, 2015

Almost 8 Years

I came across this journal entry a week or so ago.  After reading, I wanted to re-share, because God has been so very Good to me.  He has lavished me in such Grace and with such Mercy…I have to give Him praise, glory, and honor! 

“For What It's Worth – June 10, 2007

I've never believed in "blogging", it seems to get so many people in trouble. But when you think of it...it's seems quite perfect. You don't have to just call your one best friend to tell what's on your heart of hearts, but in a way you can share it with whoever is willing enough to read your heart. So, I guess that's all who you need to tell...right? I've always loved the mystery of life. Because I am such a dreamer, and I believe in the One High God, the answers are endless and anything is possible. But, I am afraid that even though I love adventure, and being pushed to take risks, at night, I always wonder....what really am I doing here? Not really in the world, but what ‘in my life now’…what am I doing. A college grad, jobless, single, living with mom and dad...this mystery was something I thought would be much better and more radiant. I begin to think if I missed something, wondering if I made some wrong turn. What really do I want out of life? For once I know "who" I am, and quite frankly I like who that is...but I still feel....clueless. Don't get me wrong, I believe and trust God that He knows what He's doing and I do not have a big problem surrendering to Him b/c His plan is perfect, and even though I'm 22, I have learned that I am not. I feel as though I am blind to the real reason for my place. I know I am not the only one, and seriously, it could be much worse. Even though my thinking is selfish, you have to fix yourself before you can fix others. It seems like I am living in other people’s lives. Watching them live, and being paralyzed in mine. I truly do hate "waiting" on the next step. I have studied that, but to my surprise I have not yet learned the application. I mean, what mindset are you supposed to take...just continue to live w/o thinking/acting like nothing has changed, throw away the old life continue with the new while forgetting everything, or being caught between the old life and new, in complete confusion and cluelessness. It's obvious which one I have chosen. You'd think that over two years of prayers I would have some clue...but only the scenery has changed...nothing else. Quite sad really. Maybe that's the answer...nothings happened, nothing ever will...but the hope is still lit inside me...how do you blow it out? What plan of action do you take? Which road, pathway, street is the right one? It will be given to you. Well, at least I know one thing, the time for me to know what to do is not this day. My fear is that my heart is incapable to being loved in a romantic way. That no one wants to really know me. I know every girl in the world has that fear, and some of those fears are reality for them. I feel that I have so much to give, so much to offer, so much to love, but is no one willing to take the time, make the choice, and live the commitment? Time will tell. I am not fearful of the future, it's just getting from point-a to point-b that will be hard. "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld you power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you."(Psalms 63:1-3) I find rest in this...."The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalms 34:17-18) Thank you God.”

So…what am I doing now?  Almost 8 years later? 

I am still a college grad.
I have a great job.
I am happily married to the man who is better than my dreams.
I am living in a cute house with my handsome, funny, driven, godly man.

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” – Ephesians 3:20-21

I wondered if I made a wrong turn?

“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” – Proverbs 16:9

“For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more.  He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry.  As soon as he hears it, he answers you.  And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher.  And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.” 
– Isaiah 30:19-21

What do I want out of life?

Currently, they are not material things, or even certain dreams I once had.  Truth be told, I desire to be Spirit-filled, to have a strong faith, to have godly wisdom, and to have steadfast love.  Only Jesus can give these things, I cannot get them myself…but the gospel is: He gives Himself.  Praise God to Whom All Blessings Flow! 

“I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” – Galatians 2:20

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” – James 1:5

“And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” – Ephesians 5:2

I also stated ‘fix yourself before you can fix others’, which I believe to be completely foolish.  I cannot fix myself apart from Christ, I also cannot fix others apart from Christ.  I cannot do anything without Christ working in me and through me.  We are all broken, and we are all in need of a Savior.  In our brokenness and sin, He uses us…still.  Not because of anything we have done, or will do…but because Christ has done and continues to do.  Praise the Lord O My Soul! 

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ – by grace you have been saved – and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.  For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” – Ephesians 2:4-10

“Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.” – Hebrews 13:20-21

What mindset are we to take?

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things that are above, not things that are on earth.” – Colossians 3:1-2

I feared that no one would love me, no one would want me, and no one would want to know me.  I thought that I had so much to offer in means of ‘love’, and that I would never have the chance to know a romantic love that our world sets half way in reality and half way in fairy-tales.  How ironic is it that God answered my prayers beyond what I dreamed, and yet the only fault I find is that I struggle with trust, submission, and respect…I struggle with loving well.  Lord God, forgive me, and give me a heart of steadfast love.  

“Is anything too hard for the LORD?” – Genesis 18:14a

“Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh.  Is anything too hard for me?” – Jeremiah 32:27

“It is the LORD who goes before you.  He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed.” – Deuteronomy 31:8

“Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.” – Proverbs 3:3

...

Almost 8 years.  How can I not praise The One Who not only saved me from sin and death, brought me into newness of life, and also saves me daily, hourly, every moment interceding for me?!  “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.” – Psalms 19:14

And even the finding of old words, old hurts, old dreams, old fears, old hopes, and thinking of lessons learned and scripture that life is rooted in…it is not me, but Christ.  “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.” – John 14:26


All Praise, Glory, Honor, Blessing, Thanksgiving, and Everything be Yours Eternal Father God, King Jesus Christ,  and Helper Holy Spirit.  So be it!

Friday, May 15, 2015

Endure.

Photo Credit: Justin L. Fowler/The State Journal-Register 
Hebrews 12 English Standard Version (ESV)

Jesus, Founder and Perfecter of Our Faith
12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Do Not Grow Weary
3 Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
    nor be weary when reproved by him.
6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and chastises every son whom he receives.”

7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
12 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. 14 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; 16 that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. 17 For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.


This is a picture of one of my friends, one of my sisters in Christ.  She is a beautiful young woman, and I have much to learn from her.  By the way, this was after she ran her best time…personal record.  

I am not an athlete.  These are easy words for me to say, I know that.  I do not have to think hard about that statement, the people who know me the best in this world also know that I am not an athlete.  I do not have a competitor spirit.  I do not always desire to win.  I do not have a driven mindset, or action lifestyle.  I run funny, and can jump less than an inch of the ground (when I’m trying really hard to jump high)…True Story.  I was a volleyball player when I was in 7th & 8th grade.  I was a starter if you can believe it or not, ask me if I played in any of our Regional games…Nope…sat on the bench while the better junior varsity players took my place.  I tried out for cheer-leading a couple of times, didn't make it because I couldn't do a back-hand-spring…and possibly because my cheers where really awkward.  HAA!  Seriously, you can ask my sister-in-law.  I still remember bits and pieces from my routine and I showed her one time.  The look on her face was phenomenal.  She was a fantastic cheerleader when she was in school.  She runs really well.  She is driven, she’s a competitor.  My sister-in-law is an athlete.

I love the Bible.  I love His Word.  It’s absolutely perfect, enduring, and completely TRUE.  

“Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law of the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.  For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished.” 
-Matthew 5:17-18

We as people are all woven completely different, distinct, special, and yet…we all have qualities that make us people.  We all were created by the same Creator.  We as people are going to have some similarities.  Meditate on that truth for a bit, the LORD is mind boggling…there are verses on that truth too, and those are also good to meditate on when you are feeling prideful and selfish.  Watch out for it, your face will hit the floor.  With all that being said, Hebrews 12:1-17 have been hard for me to really sink into and digest.  I get it, 'knowledge wise'…I understand the definition of athleticism, but I come from a place currently that: it doesn't go “boom” in my spirit.  I am an artist.  I think creative thoughts.  I see visual connections.  I understand emotional pieces of artistic display.  Meaning…a photograph of athleticism...I saw this picture and my spirit went “boom” and this verse finally takes root and nourishes parts of my souls soil that were dry and desperate.  Just look at it for a minute and reflect on the verses of Hebrews 12.  

12 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. 

My friend is dirty.  She is exhausted.  She is wet from sweat and rain.  She is struggling to stand.  Her body is weakened, so much so, that a fellow traveler was holding some of her weight for her.  Such is the body of faith, Amen?!  During these times I am so blessed, and I shout out a praise of thanksgiving to God for my church family, those gospel believing people who struggle in sin everyday just like me, and call out Gospel truths day in and day out.  Praise the LORD for the body of faith I have been placed!  

I love the Gospel.  I can truly say that now.  You know why?  I was/am disciplined by my Father, THE Father.  I was/am chastised by my Father, THE Father of Heaven and Earth.  It hurts, it's painful, there are times I am weary, and my heart is faint, but I endured because of Christ.  I endured because Christ lives in me.  I endured through the active Spirit that was given to me through Christ by God.  Absolutely Amazing.  I am stronger now.  I am happier now.  I will continue to grow stronger and happier.  I have made this way in my life straight so that when I see other brother and sisters in Christ walking down the same road, broken and lame, I can help them not stumble because Christ got me through this same road…I can attest that we have Hope down that road, I can show them scriptures that helped me, I help weave them through the emotions and pray for them more earnestly through Christ in me.  You know what else is amazing…the road I traveled has also been made straight by others that helped me when I was traveling down it.  If you look back to the previous chapter in Hebrews…the writer does the same thing.  He announces many that have travel the road, and came out victorious through Christ and His faithfulness set in us.  Glory to God on High!  The most important thing about my life now from my life before this last time of discipline, is that my faith is stronger and my love, obedience, belief, actions, and prayers are richer, deeper, and more potent.  Let all glory, praise, and honor be Christ and Christ’s alone.  For He is Faithful, Always.

“The saying is trustworthy, for: If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he will also deny us; if we are faithless; he remains faithful – for he cannot deny himself.” 2 Timothy 2:11-13

Monday, January 12, 2015

Amen!

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”  Ephesians 3:20-21

Now – current, right now, today, this second, this hour, at the present. 

Able – completely able, capable, easy, ready, smart, strong

Far/More – greatly/extra, noticeably/higher, remarkably/enhanced, substantially/exceeding, well/Increased

Abundantly – ample, bountiful, generous, rich, sufficient, abounding, exuberant, filled, lavish

All – complete, entire, full, greatest, outright, utter

Ask - appeal, beg, call for, claim, demand, order, plead, request, seek, urge, crave, knock, pray

Think – consider, feel, guess, see, understand, conclude, hold, imagine, project, vision

According to – conforming to, in agreement with, in keeping with, in line with, just as

Power at work within us!

Him be glory!

In Christ Jesus!

This is my memory verse for the week, and I can’t get over the depth of what this verse proclaims.  My hope, joy, and awe is restored each time I read it.  This verse is a verse that gives me hope of a calling, a hope in the purpose He has for my life.  It shatters my fears.  It refocuses my faith.  It relaxes my anxiety. 

This verse meets you were you are at in life, wherever you are at.  The fact that God dreams bigger than we can dream, and not only that…but He is able to put it into reality.  Just take a few seconds to let that sink in.  His is Completely ABLE.  Able to do more, not just more but far more, not just far more but abundantly far more.  GLORY TO HIS NAME!  Not only is He Able, but what He is able to do is not according to ‘us’, or ‘what we've done’, or ‘how many years we've been a Christian’, or ‘how many verses we have memorized’, or ‘how many Sundays we've been to church’, or ‘how much we have read the bible’…not according to us at all…BUT According to the Power at work within us!  According to His Grace, His Mercy, His Goodness, His Righteousness, His Power, His Glory, His Beauty, His Knowledge, His Truth, His Timing…according to His Unlimited Able-ness.

Breathe.

Thank you Jesus, my words will never be enough praise for who you Are.  My voice will never be enough praise for what You have done, are doing, and will do. 


To Him be Glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, then, now, and forever. Amen. So be it.  It is so.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Movement in my Soul


The first verse I ever memorized is Psalms 63:1-3.  My roommate in college is actually the reason why I memorized this verse.  I never gave much thought to the reason why I should memorize, all I knew is that my roommate loved it, and no matter where we were, we were memorizing.  Car ride to the grocery store: memorize.  At a coffee shop: memorize.  Sitting in our dorm room: memorize.  Waiting for our next class: memorize.  In a long line at the mall:  memorize.  Caught in traffic:  memorize.  On our way to church: memorize.  There is a good reason she became my mentor while I was in school, she had a heart for God's Word, and wanted so much to be apart of it, to know it, to understand it, to call it out from memory.  Even though I memorized this verse 12 years ago, I still remember it.  Its in my heart, its in my memory.  Its  apart of my story.  

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.  So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.  Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you."

King David wrote this, while he was in the wilderness.  He knew that God has anointed him the next king, but yet he waited for years until the time came form him to take his place.  How deep that rings in my soul.  

His words are so powerful.  Acknowledging that God is his God, that he puts nothing above God, his faith is in the God of Israel.  Earnestly, Thirsts, Faints, Beholding, Steadfast, Better than life...those are beautiful and powerful words, they carry such weight, such depth.  

This verse is a verse that gives hope, but it also humbles me.  How many days have gone by in my life that I have not earnestly sought after God...too many.  Even now, is my heart really earnestly seeking God?  My mind knows that His steadfast love is better than life, and I have seen glimpses of his power and glory; and yet I seek Him when it seems to fit in my own time frame.  Oh, I am indeed a sinner.  

Today, Jesus again pursed me.  Woke me up, asked me once again to continue the journey of faith.  and I answered...because Your Steadfast Love is better than life, my lips will praise You.

I still feel a movement in my soul, that change is coming.  I'm going to stop trying to guess what it is, and life by faith and not by sight.  Father God, lead me in your Words, reveal to me your Ways so that I may follow them accordingly.

I love You.

Your Daughter,
Rae Angeline

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Much to Learn

For eight years I was in a constant flux, and it was a joyous adventure.  Truth be told, there were times of darkest night…but all it would take would be to look out a window to receive peace and light.  Ironically, change was something I could always count on.  It was a feeling, a freedom that would rise my soul and my heart would take flight.  I am too much like someone else, who is dear to my heart, in this way.  I made a choice long ago not to ever settle again, and in many ways I have maintained that promise to myself.  I long for a new adventure.  Selfishly I long.  I have become too tied down to worldly goods to have the freedom to leave.  It’s a burden that is so heavy, that I can easily lose myself in it. 

I grew up accepting a way of life that is uncommon to man.  Others do not understand it, and are passionately against such talk.  I find those lives stifling, just thinking about them leaves me gasping for clear and clean air.  I thought settling down was the American Dream that I wanted, but it has not been a real heart’s desire, at least not here.  Is my love for Beauty to vast to be contained in one location?  Is this God moving my desires, or myself wanting to escape current living?  Prayer and Scriptures are the only answer to that specific question, a Knowledge that is only given by One…how Merciful and Gracious He is to be such a Giver.


I also have a heart of a rebellious nature.  Once I’ve been told and confined by a man’s word, my first reaction is sinful and haughty.  How dare you try to control me and tell me what I can and cannot do, you are not my God nor my husband, you are a sinful being…prideful, just like me.  I will not follow you.  I will not obey your selfish demands.  Honor is not the same as Obedience, and we are no longer children.  I have sinned against you in anger, bitterness, distaste, and even hatred at times…and I am sorry.  I know that our sins do not outweigh each other’s.  I continue to pray for your brokenness and humility, as well as for my eyes to see you as Christ sees you. 


Husband is…a better man than I ever thought or imagined.  He remains to keep me in line and continues to show me how to be not just a better person, but a better daughter of Christ.  He has changed for the greater Good.  I have much to learn from him.  It is easy for me to respect him, and my love for him is unrelenting and it increases with every day that passes. 


I have much to learn.

Whatever happens dear Jesus, let me always follow you.  Let Your Will be done in my life, I beg You.


Below are my notes from one of my favorite teachers: Darrin Patrick
Teaching on Ephesians 6:1-4


Definition of Family:  “A family is a covenant community where worship and learning happens in the context of unconditional love.”

Family is a covenant community established by God, and should have God has its center, so if children leave, or parents leave…God is still the root.

But as a parent the goal as the parent toward the child is not interdependence or codependence, its literally to prepare the child to live without you, you are training the child to not need you.  You are literally grooming, teaching and instructing that child to one day live without you and live outside of your care.  And parents are to create a culture of unconditional love where the child grows up and says, “I’ve got my theology straight because of Mom and Dad, I figured out how to navigate life, I know how to love people more than myself, I’m ready, I’m going out.”  The biblical view of family is radically different than the old school view of families.  The old views where was ownership, control, and power, Dad was king, dad was dictator, and could do whatever he wanted to do.  The new school parenting freedom, expression, exploration…set them up to find their own way.  Scripture challenges both of these views.  Dad’s don’t’ provoke, exasperate them, and don’t push them away.  Parents need to bring them up, raising them up, discipline, progressively, instruction, teaching them something…why because there is a LORD.  Dad, Mom…it is your responsibility to pastor you children.  The purpose then as we love our kids, as we teach and instruct them, not in a legality way, not in a condemning way, atmosphere of unconditional love…the purpose is then the child can grow up and can be a very godly adult, not just a good adult, but an adult that follows Jesus.  You want your child to be wise, you want your child to live without you. 

Children is a word for little child, under your parents care.  While you are under your parents care you obey them.  The idea for a little child, while they are paying for you, you obey them.  However once you transition out of that dependence you honor them.  That’s why in the 10 commandments it just says ‘honor’ not obey.  That’s the main function that we see in the scripture, of adult children not to obey but to honor.  Doesn’t not command affection. Doesn’t say confided in, it doesn’t say trust?  It says honor, why does it say that?  Because the relationship between an adult child and parents is very complicated.  Very difficult.  Very hard.  The bible is wise, because God is wise.  The main way you relate to your parents is not obedience as an adult child, it is honor.  Obedience is not the constant, dependence is not the constant, and honor is.  Why does the bible say this, some parents are just evil, they are messed up.  Honor them, not admire them, not obey them, and not trust them.  The bible says, no matter what they have or have not done, you honor them.  The bible gives us a foundation for honor that is really the only way to do it, it’s the only foundation you can build from.  Your parents represent authority to you, the authority is a big deal in the bible, we hate authority, and we don’t get the bible.  Other cultures get it.  We learn about God when we understand authority.  Authority:  When God uses fallible people to discipline, protect, and teach us.  The foundation of honor is accepting that our parents were are first authority to learn. 

What does it mean to honor your parents? 
Take them seriously.  Honor – weight, substance, sometimes glory.  If you are under their care, obey them completely unless they tell you to do something that clearly compromises your faith in Christ, and then you may disobey. 
Adult child, take them seriously, but you don’t obey them, you honor them.
Find common ground with them. Do it because you want to connect.  What do you parents like?  What are they into, what are their hobbies?
Ask them for advice.  Sometimes you know before you ask that it’s not going to be that helpful, ask anyway.  Sometimes God can speak through them. You do not have to obey them.
Listen to your parents struggle.  Don’t give them advice, just listen.
Share your joys with them

You have to forgive them.  You forgive because you have been forgiven.  Its impossible without God.  

Friday, June 20, 2014

The Ink Will Rise

There is a feeling that comes when life is about to change.  It is deeper than a feeling really, more like a movement of your soul, and that comes first.  I believe that God starts the initial stirring of our souls.  Sometimes you can miss it, and then when reality of the change appears in your life you aren’t quite prepared, you are caught off guard, and the transition to understanding what is happening is a bit rough.  For 8 years I knew this movement of the soul very well.  It almost shocked me, how precise I could know what may happen next.  Since my life has settled, and life has become routine…I grew calloused, content, blind. 

And to quote a line from one of my favorite movies (Father of the Bride) “…when the storm broke”.  I was caught up in life and its many distractions.  I was content, but I did feel like something was missing.  A sort of questionable quiet longing for something that you feel pulled to, but you can’t see what or who is on the other side of the rope.  To tell you the truth, in my life this movement is rather wonderful.  It means that God is ready for a new step in your life, a new stage, a new adventure.  Change is something that I use to love.  Change was a person that I looked forward to greet, and I haven’t seen or heard from Change in quite a long while. 

I remember writing this 6 years ago (here) when life was so much different than my life is now… "I wonder what I am to do in life. What my meaning is. The truth is....I want to do nothing. I don't know if it's my laziness, or an actual calling of sort. Does everyone feel this way? I don't want a job. I'm not completely sure that I want a career. I want to do whatever I want... (Possibly a bit selfish, but with good intention). Which is to be exact...to write...to study...to travel...to learn...to journal...to relax...to explore...to meet new people...to pray all day...to be consumed with God's Beauty...to feel the wind rush around me and the rain wash my skin...and to look into your eyes and know.  Back to my current state of life. Alone. Poor. Clueless. Hopeful. Ready.”  I love that God made me passionate about writing down what emotions I have, because you never know when God will show you that they were always there for a reason.  My love for God explodes in this moment.  The love I have for Him overwhelms me when I begin to realize how truly Wise He is, how truly Perfect He is, how completely Sovereign He is.  I love this about Him.  I depend on Him, and I find pure peace and hope in result of it.

The ink will rise on the pages as we get to them, but as for now I look forward to greeting Change with a strong embrace.

Back to my current state of life.  Deeply Loved. Poor. Clueless. Hopeful. Ready.

“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21


“The heart of man plans his ways, but the LORD establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Peace is mine.

Monday, January 13, 2014

For the Beauty of the Earth


There is such beauty in the unknown, there is such a pure silence in the moments that just come as they may.  I have lost sight of this adventurous beauty, and have replaced it with worry and anxiety that blinds.  With all New Year’s, of course we look to how we can become a better person than the previous.  We set goals, aspirations, tasks at hand…it’s in our culture, it’s in our minds, it’s part of being an American…even if you choose to set them or not.  Husband does not ‘partake’ in these resolutions, but I always at least though of what I may want to accomplish with the year that has been given.  I have been thinking on what would be a sufficient task for me to succeed in, I wrote down many…then I realized that none of them really had any impact on others around me…just myself.  I thought, “Having another year of outrageous selfishness…check!”  How sinful and deceiving our hearts can be.  I decided to continue to think on what would be a true help to my life, and also the lives of the people I share it with.  For a couple weeks I set before me to read my Bible every day and to journal every day.  That would have a huge impact on myself and others around me, then I realized that this is something that I SHOULD be doing every day, not a task I should set…it has to be a part of my daily life.  I prayed, “Dear Lord, help me be more aware of what needs to change in my mindset, heartpounds, and soul’s longings.”  Then the fog lifted and I saw a clear aspiration…to just be Aware.  I tend to survive in a dense clouded life.  I cannot see through the trees most days, and with that how can I see myself clearly, how can I see to help others? 

Not only to open my eyes, but to live according to what I’ve been awaken to…to act on what needs to be done.  To be open to living life in a way that demands my attention on myself, and the souls around me, then selflessly acting to change, or to just help.  The difference in this lifestyle then the one I’ve been so easily entangled is by no means a small step…it more like a running dash into a forced muscled leap.  To which I may add that I am not athletic to anyone’s standards.

 “Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

This past Sunday one of our elders spoke about finding your identity in the good news of Jesus, which leads to our calling, then to live that out missionally.  I could’ve been the only person in the room, how amazing that the Creator of everything, our Covenant God speaks to us right into the depth of our struggle, into the core of who we are.

Praise explodes in this truth, and this song (as well as the verse in Joshua) is my heartpounds to the True Beauty, He Who Saves, our Immanuel. 

For the Beauty of the Earth
by Folliott S. Pierpoint

For the beauty of the earth, for the glory of the skies, for the love which from our birth over and around us lies.  For the beauty of each hour of the day of the night, hill and vale, and tree and flower, sun and moon, and stars of light.  For the joy of ear and eye, for the heart and mind’s delight, for the mystic harmony, linking sense to sound and sight.  For the joy of human love, brother, sister parent, child, friends on earth and friends above, for all gentle thoughts and mild.  For thy church, that evermore lifteth holy hands above, offering up on every shore her pure sacrifice of love.  For thyself, best Gift Devine, to the world so freely given, for that great, great love of thine, peace of earth, and joy in heaven.  Lord of all, to thee we raise this our hymn of grateful praise.

 I quietly whisper my praises, as incense rises to heaven…thank you Lord, thank you LORD.