There is a feeling that comes when life is about to change. It is deeper than a feeling really, more like a movement of your soul, and that comes first. I believe that God starts the initial stirring of our souls. Sometimes you can miss it, and then when reality of the change appears in your life you aren’t quite prepared, you are caught off guard, and the transition to understanding what is happening is a bit rough. For 8 years I knew this movement of the soul very well. It almost shocked me, how precise I could know what may happen next. Since my life has settled, and life has become routine…I grew calloused, content, blind.
And to quote a line from one of my favorite movies (Father of the Bride) “…when the storm broke”. I was caught up in life and its many distractions. I was content, but I did feel like something was missing. A sort of questionable quiet longing for something that you feel pulled to, but you can’t see what or who is on the other side of the rope. To tell you the truth, in my life this movement is rather wonderful. It means that God is ready for a new step in your life, a new stage, a new adventure. Change is something that I use to love. Change was a person that I looked forward to greet, and I haven’t seen or heard from Change in quite a long while.
I remember writing this 6 years ago (here) when life was so much different than my life is now… "I wonder what I am to do in life. What my meaning is. The truth is....I want to do nothing. I don't know if it's my laziness, or an actual calling of sort. Does everyone feel this way? I don't want a job. I'm not completely sure that I want a career. I want to do whatever I want... (Possibly a bit selfish, but with good intention). Which is to be exact...to write...to study...to travel...to learn...to journal...to relax...to explore...to meet new people...to pray all day...to be consumed with God's Beauty...to feel the wind rush around me and the rain wash my skin...and to look into your eyes and know. Back to my current state of life. Alone. Poor. Clueless. Hopeful. Ready.” I love that God made me passionate about writing down what emotions I have, because you never know when God will show you that they were always there for a reason. My love for God explodes in this moment. The love I have for Him overwhelms me when I begin to realize how truly Wise He is, how truly Perfect He is, how completely Sovereign He is. I love this about Him. I depend on Him, and I find pure peace and hope in result of it.
The ink will rise on the pages as we get to them, but as for now I look forward to greeting Change with a strong embrace.
Back to my current state of life. Deeply Loved. Poor. Clueless. Hopeful. Ready.
“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21
“The heart of man plans his ways, but the LORD establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
Peace is mine.